All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.
~ in The Importance of Being Earnest
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography.
I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be.
Those who try to lead the people can only do so by following the mob.
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The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “remember, this is your reward in Heaven.”
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.
“What are the greens fees?”, grumbled the old man.
“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day.”
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
“Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?” he asked.
“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick..
This is Heaven!”
The old man pushed, “No gym to work out at?”
“Not unless you want to,” was the answer.
“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…”
“Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”
The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!
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(click on image)
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
-Cullen Hightower
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Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
-Cullen Hightower
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Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.
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It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.
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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn’t danced on TV.
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I’ve got two wonderful children — and two out of five isn’t too bad.
~ Henny Youngman
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The following test is scientifically proven to reveal your role model. Do not be skeptical. Follow the instructions below and you will be surprised at how accurate it is.
Please, DO NOT SCROLL DOWN. Becoming aware of the possible answers prior to the moment of revelation may skew the results.
Okay, perform the following steps to reveal your role model:
1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3
4) Then again Multiply by 3 (I’ll wait, while you get the calculator…..)
5 ) You’ll get a 2 or 3 digit number….
6 ) Add the digits together
Got it? Now Scroll down . . .
……………
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Use the number you arrived at above to see who your associated ROLE MODEL in the list below:
2. Ayn Rand
5. J. C. Ryle
7. Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemons)
9. Kevin Stilley
10. Socrates
Wow, thank you for your kind thoughts. I like you, too.
P.S. Stop picking different numbers! I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!
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1. This image is just to warm-up with. Spot a problem?
2. Follow the instructions engraved on the image.
3. Are the purple lines straight or bent?
4. What do you see? Look again . . .
5. Do you see gray squares in between the lines? Now where did they come from?
6. Take a look at the following picture. It is not animated. Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from it…. Weird
